My Piper Girl

I am a survivor of Postpartum OCD and Postpartum Depression. I am here today not only because of my amazing support system but because of my career as well. Being a mental health therapist, I was fortunate to know what I was going through did not define who I was as a mother and as a wife.

When my daughter Piper was born, I struggled holding her, taking pictures with her,

and sharing that bond and connection that everyone talks about. When the doctor first put her in my arms, I never had that magical moment that people talk about. It wasn't sunshine and rainbows. I believe that is due to A LOT of factors, but that's for another another time, but I mention this to normalize it is okay to not have that magical first moment with your baby.

I was in a very dark and isolated place in my mind, all while being expected to care for this brand new baby whose life depended on me and my attention. I struggled for months with my mental health at the same time as putting on a "face" for the outside world. This was the first time I experienced true intrusive thoughts. I had no idea what was going on or why I would even think about these kinds of things. Thankfully, due to my work, I knew I needed to talk about them so that I could take away the power behind these thoughts. I reached out to my husband first and told him about this. He was so incredibly compassionate and judgmental.

With the combination of feeling supported and not judged from family and close friends, an amazing therapist, and medication, I was able to find my way out of the darkness. This is a topic not talked about enough, I want to help raise awareness, not let others feel alone in these feelings, and end the stigma.

I thank God every day that Piper chose me to be her mom. And even though I went through something I never would wish upon anyone, I wouldn’t change a thing about that journey. My relationship with my husband and others in my support system grew to a level I never would have known if I didn't allow myself to be so vulnerable and realize their ability to be there to support me when often I fall into the roll of being the supporter. When I look at Piper now, I don’t see those dark times, I see her as someone who saved my life. I knew I needed to be the best mom I could be for her, and I refused to let her grow up without having a Mom.

I chose to use this experience as an opportunity to learn and grow more in my career. I went to hours of trainings to really get to the bottom of why people experience these types of thoughts and feelings when it is "supposed to be" one of the most joyful times of your life. So here I am, telling you a small part of my journey to help normalize for you, that you are not alone.