Selfish vs. Self-Centered

One of my favorite “a-ha” moments with clients often comes when we discuss the difference between being selfish and being self-centered. These two terms are frequently used interchangeably, but I believe they’re not always understood or applied accurately. It's important to explore them and recognize when these characteristics show up in ourselves or others.

You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Self-care isn’t selfish.” I completely agree. But why do so many people struggle to truly embrace this idea? Part of the issue is that many of us were taught from a young age that doing something for yourself can be selfish. This ingrained belief makes it hard for people to prioritize their needs without feeling guilty.

I believe the key to understanding the difference lies in your intent. When you engage in self-care, it's about recharging yourself so that you can continue showing up for others and your responsibilities. It’s not about dismissing the needs of those around you. Self-care, in this sense, isn’t selfish at all.

On the other hand, being self-centered is different. To me, self-centeredness is when you act with complete disregard for the people or environment around you. It’s when you do something solely for the purpose of benefiting yourself, without considering the impact it may have on others.

When I help clients understand this distinction, it's like giving them permission to take care of themselves without the weight of guilt. They start to realize that self-care isn’t indulgent—it’s necessary. It allows them to show up as the best version of themselves in all areas of their lives.

So, next time you’re struggling with feelings of guilt about taking time for yourself, ask yourself this: Am I being selfish, or am I simply caring for my needs in a healthy way? Odds are, it’s the latter. Let me know your thoughts!