The Art of Challenging verses Changing Someone

One of the most powerful realizations I’ve had in my career as a therapist is this: it’s not my job to change my clients.

It’s not even possible. And it shouldn’t be.

Instead, my role—what I strive for in every session—is to challenge them. To lovingly, compassionately, and sometimes uncomfortably hold up the mirror and say,"I see you. I hear you. And I believe you're capable of more."

Therapy isn't about fixing

Therapists aren’t here to fix anyone. We’re not mechanics for your mind or moral gatekeepers. If anything, our work is to walk alongside someone as they explore their own experiences, identify patterns, and begin to decide what they want to carry with them—and what it might be time to let go of.

We’re collaborators in your growth, not conductors of your transformation.

Challenging is an act of belief

To challenge a client doesn’t mean we’re trying to push them into something they’re not. It means we believe in their capacity to grow. It means we hold space for the parts of them that are stuck, scared, or unsure—and we still reflect their potential back to them.

Challenge in therapy can look like:

• Asking the hard questions no one else will ask.

• Gently confronting unhelpful patterns.

• Encouraging vulnerability in places that feel safer when closed off.

• Sitting in silence to let the truth rise to the surface.

• Holding clients accountable to their goals, values, and boundaries.

  
  

None of these are about changing someone. They're about inviting someone to step more fully into the person they’re working to become.

Autonomy is everything

If I changed someone, it wouldn’t stick. It wouldn’t be theirs.

True, sustainable growth happens when the client owns it. My job is to co-create the space where that growth can occur. To plant seeds, ask questions, and support their autonomy. To offer challenge as a form of care—not correction.

A relationship rooted in trust

Challenge without safety is criticism.Challenge without connection is confrontation.But challenge rooted in trust? That’s transformation.

When clients trust that I see them, respect them, and want what they want for themselves, the challenge becomes a bridge—not a barrier.

In closing

I’m not here to change you. I’m here to believe in you when you’re struggling to believe in yourself. I’m here to challenge the parts of you that feel small, stuck, or scared—and help you rediscover your strength, voice, and direction.

Therapy isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about becoming more of who you are—on purpose.