The Choice to Grow: Why “That’s Just Who I Am” Isn’t Enough

I believe that as human beings, we are constantly learning, evolving, and shaping the way we interact with the world around us. Life presents us with experiences—some beautiful, some painful—and we have a choice in how we respond. We can use these experiences to grow, adapt, and become the best versions of ourselves, or we can allow them to harden us, keeping us stuck in cycles of negativity and resistance to change.

There are so many moments in life that force us to pause and ask: What role does this play in my growth? How will I allow this to shape me? It’s in these moments that we either lean into self-awareness or turn away from it.

Growth vs. Stagnation

Through my own personal experiences and the work I do as a therapist, I’ve encountered people who acknowledge that there are areas in their lives where they could grow, where they could be better—but they simply won’t do the work. And I’ll be honest—that is so triggering for me.

Why? Because I don’t allow stagnation in my own life. It’s not a standard I’ve ever accepted for myself. I am constantly asking myself: How can I improve? How can I be better for myself, my family, my friends, my community? Growth is not optional for me; it’s essential. If I’m not learning about myself and those around me, I feel like I’m not contributing in a meaningful way. And while I know that my worth isn’t tied to self-improvement, I still struggle to understand how some people choose to stay the same when they know they could be better.

The Excuses That Keep Us Stuck

One of the most frustrating phrases I hear is:

“That’s just how I am.”

“I’m a (insert horoscope sign), so that’s just how it is.”

But… why though? Why accept something about yourself that isn’t serving you or the people around you? Why not challenge yourself to grow?

Of course, personal growth takes effort. It requires self-reflection, discomfort, and sometimes even breaking generational patterns that have been ingrained for years. But choosing to stay the same—especially when you know you could do better—robs you of opportunities for deeper connections, success, and fulfillment.

The Fear Behind Change

I understand that change is scary. It requires vulnerability. It forces us to confront parts of ourselves that we might not like. And for some, the idea of stepping outside of what’s familiar, even if it’s unhealthy, feels overwhelming.

But growth isn’t about changing your entire personality overnight. It’s about recognizing areas that are keeping you stuck and making small, intentional choices to move forward. It’s about acknowledging that you don’t have to be the same person you were yesterday, last year, or even ten years ago.

Challenging the Narrative

Instead of saying:🚫 “That’s just who I am.”

Try:✅ “This is who I’ve been, but I’m open to change.”

Instead of saying:🚫 “I don’t need to work on that.”

Try:✅ “How might this area of my life improve if I put in the effort?”

Instead of saying:🚫 “That’s just my personality.”

Try:✅ “Is this trait helping or hurting me and my relationships?”

The Takeaway

We all have a choice in how we show up for ourselves and others. Growth isn’t always easy, but it is always possible. The next time you catch yourself (or someone else) saying, “That’s just how I am,” challenge it. Ask yourself: Is this belief serving me? Am I willing to do the work to be better?

Because at the end of the day, staying the same is a choice. And choosing growth, no matter how uncomfortable, will always be worth it.