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Carol Ann Murphy

The Quest for the Perfect Therapist: How to Find Your Best Fit




Finding the right therapist can be challenging. What works for one person may not necessarily work for another. It’s not a one-size-fits-all situation, and that’s okay. Understanding what qualities are most important to you as a client is the first step toward finding a therapist who is a good fit for you.


When I work with new clients, I always recommend they try three sessions with me. This allows them to get a sense of what the process would look like, understand my style, see if we have a good rapport, and move past the initial background and history/intake paperwork. It’s essential to give yourself time to see if the connection feels right. And if it doesn’t? That’s perfectly fine, too. You’re not going to hurt your therapist’s feelings by expressing that the relationship isn’t the best fit. Therapists enter this field knowing that what’s best for the client is what’s best for the therapeutic relationship.


If you don’t feel comfortable opening up and discussing what’s going on in your life, progress will be slow, and valuable time will be wasted—for both you and your therapist. Time is precious, and no one wants to spend it unproductively. If you find yourself in a therapeutic relationship that’s just not clicking, it’s crucial to talk to your therapist about what’s working and what isn’t. Therapists are open to feedback and are prepared to have what might seem like difficult conversations. This is an essential skill for anyone who struggles with communication or conflict, proving that a hard conversation doesn’t have to end in a confrontation.


Therapists are adaptable and can adjust their approach to meet the needs of different clients. Each client is unique, so having these conversations helps ensure that your needs are being met. However, it’s also important to remember that a therapist might acknowledge if they cannot provide what you need and offer referrals to someone better suited for your situation. This isn’t a personal failing on your part or theirs. It’s about putting your needs first and having a therapist who is self-aware enough to recognize when you deserve to have those needs met elsewhere.


Throughout my career, I’ve worked with clients during different seasons of their lives. Sometimes, I’ve had to refer them to other therapists because they needed a level of service or an area of expertise that I couldn’t provide. The key takeaway here is that not all therapists are alike. If you’ve had a bad experience with one, it doesn’t mean you’ll have the same experience with another. Finding the right connection and the right fit can take time and effort, but it’s worth it.


Don’t put therapists in a box. Advocate for yourself, communicate your needs, and see if they can be met. The best time to find a therapist is before a crisis or significant life event happens. Building rapport, trust, and background knowledge takes time, and having a trusted therapist already in place means you’ll be better prepared to handle whatever comes your way.

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